Here's some funny jokes about Irishmen that crack me up.
They may not me appropriate for young children, however, as most of them involve drinking.

The Interview
An Irishman went for an interview with McDonegal's Advertising Specialties.
The interviewer told him that all applicantshad to complete drawing a test
and took a piece of paper and drewsix vertical lines in pairs of
two on the paper and placed it in front oftheIrishman.
"Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?"
After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew acanopyof leaves
on top of each of the three pairs of lines,
and handed the paper backto the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not nine!"
"Oh yes it is", said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent,
"Tree +Tree + Tree makes nine!"
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman
and asked him tomake it 99.
After thinking for a longer while the Irishman scribbled up
and down thetrunks and then smudged the ink and
handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings
and said: "But that is not ninetynine!"
"Begorrah! Oy, yes it is!” said the Irishman,
"Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty treemake ninety nine."
The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off
so he decided to do theIrishmanin once and for all,
therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman
and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time the Irishman
suddenlygrabbed the pencil and drew a little blop
on the bottom right hand sideof each three and handed
the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not 100!"
"Oh, Danny Boy, yes it most certainly is", said the Irishman with a much broaderIrish accent,
"Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and aturd make 100…"


We're Irish, we are...
A young Irishman, Brian O'Malley, sat inside the pub of McLarney's Glenn in downtown New York City.
He was drinking Guinness and 'cut'n d' Blarn' with the barkeep, Paddy O'Toole.

Another Irishman comes in and sits besides him,
"Top O' Morn!" he greets and hears the lilt between Paddy and Brian and says,
"Laddy! You be Irish too, you say?"

"Yes I am!" Brain spouts proudly, "Paddy, give us another round and one for my good friend here -
he's from the mothercountry as well."

The second man asks, "So Brian, where in the old country ye from?"

"Dublin!" responds Brian.

"Dublin you say! So am I!" and the second manhollers for Paddy to bring another round,
"...and shots of your best Irish Poteen, for me and my Irish friend here."

Afterwards, Brian asks the second from where in Dublinhe grew up, and the second man responds,
"I stropped my britches in the parish of Killinay on Glenalua Road, in the south of Dublin, I did!"

Brian responded, "Well, I'llbe a Connemara Druid! That's the same street where I grew up!"
and he yells for Paddy to bring a pair of beers and, "The finest Irish Whiskey forthe pair of us Irishmen!

The phone behind the bar rings and the Paddy answers.
The owner of thepub asks Paddy how is business and he responds,
"Not too bad, the O'Malleytwins are here getting drunk again..."


Paddy and Sheila The Accident
An Irish priest and a Rabbi are riding in separate car when they collide into each other.
They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road.
The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!"
The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?"
The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken."
The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves."
The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"
"Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."

The Flies
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guinness in a pub.
Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer.
Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back.
The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking.
The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings, sets it gently on the bar and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"

Drinking for others
An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guinness, drinking them one at a time.

Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the fine Irish beer goes flat
when sitting in the open too long and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time.

The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively.
This is their way of remembering all the times they spent drinking together.
"I drink one for myself, one for my brother Sean, and the other for my brother Brian."

The man becomes a regular at the pub and well-known for always ordering three beers at once.
One day he walks in and orders only two beers.
Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons.

When the Irishman returns from the bathroom to order his second round,
the bartender quietly offers his condolences.
The man looks confused for a moment, and then happily explains,
"No, Saint's alive! Everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent."

The Motorcycle
Paddy was giving his good friend Aidan a ride on his new motorcycle on a brisk autumn day.
After a wee bit, Aidan who was on the back on the bike began to holler ...
"Paddy... Paddy ... the wind is cutt'n through me coat zipper and freez'n me chest out!"
"Well, Aiden my lad," said Paddy, "why don't you take your jacket off and turn it front to back ...
that'll block the wind for you."
So Aidan turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again.
After a bit, Paddy turned to talk and was horrified to see that Aiden had fallen off the bike.
. He immediately turned the bike around and retraced his route.
When after a short time Paddy came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Aiden who was sitting on the ground.
"T'anks be to heaven, is he alright?" Paddy hailed to the farmers.
"Well," said one of the farmers, " he was alright when we found him here ...
but since we turned his head back to front ... he hasn't said a word since!"

The Street Crossing
Paddy is in New York. He is patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.
The cop stops the flow of traffic and shouts: "OK, pedestrians."
Then, he allows the traffic to pass.
He's done this several times and Paddy still stands on the sidewalk.
After the cop has shouted "Pedestrians" for the 10th time, Paddy goes over to him and says,
"Saints Alive! Is it not about time to let the Catholics cross?"

O'Reilly's Driving
O'Reilly is driving home after downing a few too many at the pub.
He turns a corner and, much to his horror, sees a tree in the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid it. Almost too late, he realizes there is yet another tree directly in his path.
He swerves again and is terrified to discover that his drive home has turned into a slalom course of trees!

He veers from side to side to avoid all the trees.

Minutes later he hears the sound of a police siren. He brings his car to a stop.
The officer approaches O'Reilly's car and asks what on earth he was doing.
Shaking, O'Reilly tells the story of trees everywhere in the road.
"Oh for the love of me Saint Joseph! O'Reilly, that's yer air freshener!"

The Lumber Yard Worker
O'Meara worked in Paddy's lumber yard for 20 years and all that time he'd been stealing wood and selling it.

At last, his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.
"Bless me Father, it's 15 years since my last confession,
and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all these years." He tells the priest.
"I understand, my son," says the priest. "Can you make a novena?"
O'Meara says, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

Shopping for the Wife
McQuillan walks into a bar and orders martini after martini,
each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar is filled with olives and all the drinks are downed, the Irishman starts to leave.
"S'cuse me," says a customer, who is puzzled over what McQuillan has done. "What was that all about?"
"Nothin'," says the Irishman. "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."


Horse Betting
Mike O’Leary is reading the paper when his wife comes up and whacks him on the head with a skillet.
Stunned, he asks, "What was that for?"
"That was for the piece of paper in your pocket with Katy's name written on it."
"Oh," he explains, "two weeks ago I went to the races. Katy was one of the horses I bet on."
His wife apologizes for being suspicious.
Three days later Mike comes home from the ball game and his wife hits him on the head again with a skillet.
He protests, "Now, what in heaven's name is that all about?"
She replies: "Your horse just called."


Croaking
Little Jacob O'Toole ran up and hugged his grandpappy, Old Seamus O'Toole,
and asked, "Grandpa, can you croak like a frog?"
"Begorrah!" exclaimed grandpappy Seamus, "I sure can... ribbitt-ribbitt-ribbit!"
Little Jacob started cheering wildly and hugged his grandpappy and thanked him over and over.
"Goodness child, why in heaven's name is this such a big deal."
"Cuz mommy said that as soon as Grandpa croaks we're going to Disneyland!"

I'm Not Going
Clancy O’Rourke’s mother opened the shades in his bedroom and scolded him,
"Clancy! It’s late, we're going to church now, get up!"
"Saint's alive, mother! I don't want to go to church! Let me sleep!"
"Now Clancy, I'm not arguing with you again, get up son!"
Clancy pulled the covers over his head and whined, "Why do I have to go?"
His mother replied, "Son, first going to church is good for you,
secondly everyone there will be glad to see us there,
and thirdly, you're still the Catholic priest!"